Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in SilverMoonWolf's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Saturday, December 5th, 2009
1:49 pm	Dammit. I misinterpreted the flight details and prices. I will -not- be attending FC. Dammit. Current Mood: disappointed (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, November 27th, 2009
10:45 am	Window to another world I'm at my mom's house right now, where I grew up. I'm looking at the space on the floor of my bedroom where I used to lay and listen to my CD player (Metallica: The Black Album) and flip through the Werewolf: The Apocalypse 2nd ED core book when I was a teenager. And I feel very, very wierd. I obsessed over that book. Every time I opened it, I just fell in. I still can to some degree. But I miss that. I miss feeling enveloped by a fictional world where something I created mattered. It's not a sad kind of longing, I look back on it fondly. Part of it is also probably missing the lack of responsibility back then as compared to how much I have now. I still find myself sometimes wanting to slip away into a fantasy world. Current Mood: contemplative (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 11th, 2009
11:09 am	MY EARS. MY EYES. ALL IS PAIN AND SUFFERING. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TH5ibABP4U&feature=player_embedded# Mother of God, is this what teenagers are listening to now? It's like aural equivalent of cyanide. Every second spent listening to it is an eternity of suffering. I need to go listen to some old Metallica or -good- dance music to cleanse myself of this. Current Mood: apathetic (13 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009
4:54 pm	Mixed nuts Been awhile. First off, I finally got a digital tablet. This is my first serious work with it. SEMI-NSFW. http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2991063 Mark this as the first time in a -long- time I've been really pleased with my own art. Color REALLY makes the difference, and now that I can do it without stress, I'm really pleased. More to come. Second, for those of you out there that know me, the only thing I'm really willing to brag about is my skill at dancing. I think, no, I -know- I'm good. People have always said so and I've gotten better with time. For those of you who have never seen me dance, here you go. Disclaimer, I wasn't planning on dancing, so I was wearing something comfortable and not conducive to my style of dance (it's my Japanese garb). The warm-up. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFGN_IeuLR4 The big show. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6WPfVk2HcI Next, school is so easy this semester, that I almost feel guilty. Almost. Finally... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxBMIQ-kmlY and (NSFW) http://www.dominicvine.net/massage/ God. Dammit. No big secret I've been trying to find someone to date lately. I hate this. I hate seeing people that are astoundingly beautiful and physically my type, and knowing that I'll never even meet them, let alone get the chance to ask them out. Hell, there's one person I'd kill date, and he's equally interested in me...and he's in fucking Cali. I'm 27 and I've had -one- serious relationship. ONE. I'll be 30 soon. What the fuck is wrong with me? I don't know how to go about finding the type of person I like. I'm not into most mainstream gay men, in fact, they turn me off completely. I like rockers, punks, alternative types, gamers, geeks, hippies...where can I find the GAY ones? I'm starving here. I want to date. I'm not going to look for a love-of-all-time sort of thing, because that doesn't just happen in the real world. What -should- I be doing about this? Current Mood: Perplexed (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 17th, 2009
10:10 pm	None of my friends are returning any of my instant messages. I feel very lonely. Have I done something to have people not want to talk to me? It's one of those days. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BR7CCQ2QAKE (13 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 1st, 2009
9:53 am	Okay, here's the deal. I am moving tomorrow AND thursday. I am going to try to take off work thursday so I can devote the whole day to it. Last time I moved out of my Stratford Ave. apartment, I asked for as little help as possible, because I hate helping friends move. It was only fair that I not ask for help in return. Well, now I need it. This is far more dire of a move than last time. I'm signing the lease today and HOPEFULLY getting the keys tomorrow. I need help this time. I have one room's worth of stuff. It's not that much, but I do have some big items. A futon, a bed, two dressers and a small computer desk. I'm going to see if I can rent a Uhaul (and get someone to drive it), but I don't know if that'll happen. Hell, it has to with my big items. I need help this time. Anyone? Oh, the new place is in Bloomfield, right near the Shur Save supermarket on Main. ALSO: This. Shamisen Rock. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0aLT9eust5k Current Mood: awake (14 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, August 31st, 2009
4:03 pm	No. http://mashable.com/2009/08/31/disney-marvel/ FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK. Current Mood: pensive (17 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, August 28th, 2009
9:57 pm	Pampered pooch I just took a long hot bath with Lush big blue bath bomb and Lush sea vegetable soap while sipping Takara plum wine from an elegant pewter goblet while smoking rose tobacco out of a hookah. Ahhhhh... Now, I'm going to watch a movie I bought the other day. "What Dreams May Come" with Robin Williams. Current Mood: relaxed (10 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 19th, 2009
10:37 am	Waxing Philosphical I had a very astute thought this morning while laying in bed with a close friend. In Werewolf: The Apocalypse, you deal with the cosmology of the Wyld (force of undirected, wild creation), the Weaver (the force of organization, direction and stasis) and the Wyrm (the mediator and natural death, snapping up the excess bits of both to keep them in balance [before it went insane]). I never realized, the Wyld is the id (animalistic drive, want instead of need), the Weaver is the super ego (striving for perfection and organization), and the Wyrm is the ego (mediating the two towards meaningful, fulfilling progress). So in essence, the crux of WWtA is struggle with one's self. Groovy. Here's some GOOD music. Listen CLOSELY. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoN6XfyQsr4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7KnGNOiFll4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESvYRR1Fyug Current Mood: cheerful (10 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, July 23rd, 2009
10:58 pm	Ever since Anthrocon... I cannot stop thinking about dancing. I want to dance so bad right now that I feel I'm going to jump out of my skin. I want to go blow like a hundred bucks on one of those tiny, sound booming, iPod boomboxes then go find a nice wide alleyway downtown, turn it on, and just let the music take over. For fuck's sake, today at work, I went up to the roof and danced to my headphones. The most recurring song has been "Smooth Criminal" original mix. I. NEED. TO. DANCE. Current Mood: Losing it Current Music: Smooth Criminal - Michael Jackson (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 7th, 2009
1:34 pm	LOLWUTcon What an appropriate song to come up on my iPod just now... Anyway, Now that I've recovered from being run over by the Jack Daniels express, it's time to post. Activity wise, con this year was a bit of a snore. I wandered more than normal and didn't buy much of anything (other than three comissions and one freebie). No dirty comics or badges or whatnot. I was trying to find something nice for a friend, but nothing jumped out at me. Don't get me wrong, I still had a fucking blast, but it was an disorganized kind of blast. It's pretty much solidified now that Thursday night is the big dance for me. God, every year I exert myself so hard. I guess retro remix and dancey traditional club stuff is just my thing. I feel kinda like a philistine for not being able to get into the whole drum & bass progressive jungle beat yadda yadda yadda stuff, but I like what I like. I need vocals. Like I said, I exert myself HARD when the feeling gets to me. It's like I get this feeling inside when the music is right, it says to me "Dance as best as you can, as hard as you can, right now, or die." It feels good. The art show this year was quality, much better than last year. I think I'll enter next year. Also, talked to a good friend about getting a suit made and it looks like it'll be -FAR- more affordable than I thought. As in affordable enough to pretty get one whenever I feel like without saving much. Know what that means? Next year, Silver enters the Fursuit Dance-Off and blows every other motherfucker out of the water. You heard that right. Back up, I'm 'bout to drop this shit. Ya'heard? Final note on activities, NO ONE CAME TO MY SILENT RAVE. You're all fucking wankers. I kid. No big deal, it wasn't an expressly "furry" kinda thing and I didn't advertise enough in advance. I was all frowny face for about five minutes. Maybe try again next year. Emotionally, this may have been the best con I've ever had. I grew up some. Due to hanging out with a good buddy of mine, I was introduced to a spectacular young man, whom normally I wouldn't have given a chance due to my own anger and self-righteousness issues. I'm glad I did, because I grew up a little. It was like I looked into myself and saw the ugly part that I was giving too much power to. I'm cutting that part off as of now. No more. It'll be hard to stave off my own anger, but every time I start to snarl at this particular issue, I'm going to think of Nayo's great attitude and how much fun I had with that crew. And that's stronger than my own anger. Not only that, but thanks to the magic of alcohol, I also -finally- let go of a long standing grudge and hatred. It was time to move on. Sunday night, while at Perro and Snowy's Dead Dog party (an absolute MUST attend event for me every year) I found myself feeling the pulse of positive energy, that plus me being an honest, emotional drunk...well...I went straight up to Sym, grabbed his hand and said "no hard feelings". It was time for me to grow up. He hurt me but it was YEARS ago. It had become that I was only holding onto it out of habit. There wasn't anything behind the upset anymore. He looked at me strangely and walked away, but came back up to me a few minutes later and returned the hand gesture and said something (something that I unfortunately didn't hear, as alcohol was currently the loudest person in the room). So if you're reading this, bygones are officially bygones, and what did you say? Christ, I need to control my drinking at con. I'm not going off the deep end or anything, and it's not like I drink otherwise (a drink every two months or so?). I mean, hell, I drank so much one day that I was hanging out with this awesome fursuiter for like forty five minutes before I realized it was a pigeon. WUT. I felt great the whole time I was there. Attitude, appearance, everything just came into alignment. People -LIKE- me. They like being around me because I'm fun and witty and easy on the eyes. I make people feel good about themselves with just a few words and some humor. I'm good at what I do. What did I take home this year, other than a half full jug of spiced rum and over 9000 new STDs? FINALLY, after like three years, I got a Dark Natasha comission. OHSHI- Got a fun summery comission from an artist whose name escapes me right now. A cute/sexy/actiony one from Redregon (OMGKITTY). A small badge from D'Bull. and... Wait for it... A comission from my fave artist, Grisser. I think I just peed a little. Where's a babyfur when you need one? So, onto shout outs. HOLLA. Artimas, Chrono, Nayo and crew. THANK YOU for being awesome. You're my party people. Roommates: Buttons, Manik, Anec, Rain (sorta). Thanks for laughing at my hijinx and being awesome. Scruffy: Thank you for everything. I won't forget. TekFox: I look forward to seeing you every year. Also, DAMN you're finer than I thought. O_o Twitch Da Woof: Was great to chit chat with you on sunday, hope I didn't make an ass out of myself. Thank god there are other rocker furs out there. MapDark: Had great fun hon, thanks for hanging out with me. Mhendi and Simba: What am I going to do with you two? My time is running out on this library computer, So I'll end here with a thank you to EVERYONE else who was with me at con and made it special. Thank you all. SEE YOU NEXT YEAR, FAGGOTS. >:3 Current Mood: Totally cool Current Music: Kelly Clarkson - My Life Would Suck Without You (31 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, June 12th, 2009
1:22 pm	Bust it out. Love dancing? Can't get enough at Anthrocon? Maybe you just want to bust it out to your own tunes? SilverMoonWolf has the answer. Anthrocon's -FIRST- Silent Rave! Just what is a Silent Rave? Simple. A Silent Rave is an organized "flash mob". Gather together at a public location and be sure to bring your portable music player/iPod/Zune with you and a pair of headphones, preferably ones that will stay on your head and not fly off. Under the guidance of the host, everyone jacks in and presses play, and then you do what comes natural. You dance. In the interest of having the best time possible, there will be no required dance track that everyone will be listening to, you provide your own beats! If we gather enough furs, maybe we can even make this a mobile dance party and visit all ends of the con! Join your host, SilverMoonWolf at 4 pm on Friday in front of main ballroom in the convention center. Bring your mp3 player, headphones and your -best- moves. We're going to need at -least- twenty people to drop this thing, so bring your friends! We're going to rock this con inside out. Current Mood: excited Current Music: Mondotek - Alive (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, June 5th, 2009
2:34 pm	That's so gay. Really, it is. http://www.thinkb4youspeak.com/TheCampaign/ Gee. Thanks GLSEN. As if I hadn't had to put up with people disliking me because I'm gay, NOW I have to put up with it from you because I'm also a gamer. The "That's so gamer guy who has more games than friends" ad is out of bounds by a mile. First off, shut the fuck up already. The "That's so..." campaign is a goddamned joke. No, lets not go after the things that are REALLY hurting gay people: rampant drug addiction and alcoholism, trivialization of and lifestyle focus on sex, AWFUL anti-social attitudes and victim mentality. No, let's once again lay blame on something completely innocuous. A tiny, unimportant slang that we should be thick skinned enough to ignore. More finger pointing when our energies could be devoted to fixing our own fucking "community". No, while the worthless mainstream queers are drinking, drugging and fucking themselves into the grave, we'll say "Neener neener! You can't say this anymore! It's not PC!". Not only that, you took a dig and people that not only have nothing to do with you, but are a part of you. Oh, gaming is just SO unhip. That's totally not gay enough. Hurry up and make fun of them in our campaign...then head off to your PNP party. God, it's like you guys can't handle anything right. First you make the marriage arguement seem like we wanted to kick down the doors of every church in America and FORCE them to marry us, now this. A little defense during that whole debacle would have been nice. Y'know a little "No, that's not what we mean" instead of "MARRY US NOW AMERICA." More worthless trite from people who are supposed to give us a good face. Pull your heads out of your asses and look IN for the problems before you look OUT. Current Mood: blah (12 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 16th, 2009
2:18 am	The hits just keep on coming Now, if this would have happened yesterday, I would have cried. But since it happened today, after I felt alot better, it's funny. Seriously, I cannot believe my luck this time. Mom came up today to go to dinner with me and give me some stuff (loaf of Easter bread, a new crockpot, some food) and then take me grocery shopping. So we get in the car and park in the underground parking at the Market District Giant Eagle down the street from me and then walk out of the garage to the Istambul Grille across the street. The second we walk out, I look up and saw... The single most beautiful gutter punk I have ever seen in my entire life. He is absolutely perfect. Patchwork pants. Combat boots. Tricked out metal/painted leather jacket. Thick wavy mohawk. Goatee. Piercings (he had a fucking karabiner thru his ear). Probably a mess of tattoos too. And he had a husky build. He was putting groceries into the trunk of a car with a cute punky black girl (that could have been his girlfriend...or just a friend...or his fag hag). This guy could have been Scratch, in the flesh. He barely glanced in my direction and smiled. And there I stand...next to my mother...still wearing my suit and tie from my highschool observation today. I looked like the most straight laced, boring (albeit well dressed), Shadyside asshole this side of an overpriced martini. It's like the clouds parted, god's giant hand came down...and gave me the finger. There's hot you see on the street. The types that make you turn your head and say to yourself "Wow, they're really good looking." And then there's freeze dead in your tracks and choke on your own breath hot. That was him. This always happens when I'm not wearing MY jacket. Goddamnit. Current Mood: amused (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 14th, 2009
8:19 pm	I have had an awful day. I feel terrible. Alot of things that have happened recently just hit me at once and I just want to break down and cry. It bothers the shit out of me that Zak left the way he did. I tried so hard and spent so much energy trying to be a good friend and all he ever found me was annoying. I went out of my way to share with him even when I didn't have much and he ended up throwing it in my face, shit talking me behind my back. Why. Why did you lie about the money under the pretense of "not wanting to screw me over" when the facts now point to you knowing exactly what you were going to do. I'm hurt. I'm really, really hurt. It bothers me even more that he'll continue to shit talk me to his boyfriend, who doesn't even know me. The observation today at Oakland Central Catholic was a huge waste of time. It was just...bad. Picture a worst case scenario art room, and this was it. The teacher was a nice fellow, but entirely uninvested in teaching art as opposed to his role, also, as an athletics coach. I hated it. When I said I couldn't get anything more useful from the observations, my professor mocked me and said I needed an "attitude adjustment". I know I'm not perfect. I'm far from it. But I try so hard to do well and make the right decisions and be good to people and it hurts when after all that, people say something like that. I'm TRYING. I'm trying SO HARD to do the right things and it feels like I always get the short end of the stick. I know I'm dramatic and I overreact and I have several annoying qualities...but I try. I ruin myself inside constantly worrying "Am I doing the right thing?" I'm so hurt right now. And lonely. There's no point in trying to get any more work done today on my final projects. I'm going to go drink whatever booze is left in my fridge. Not much. Current Mood: Hurt (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 5th, 2009
1:52 am	Issue So it appears that my ex roommate, who promised he'd send the money he would have owed til June (when we'd be moving out of this apartment) "as not to screw me over", may not be sending that money. It's too early to say for certain about the money, but I'm positive he's just blocked me on AIM after I'd sent him multiple civil messages about it. He said he mailed a blank check on tuesday, and he's still in the city, and it does not take longer than two days for in-city mail. I don't mean to be persistent, but I need that money to EAT. I have next to nothing right now and I've trimmed off all the extras. I'm not using my credit card for anything and I'm canceling cable TV this week. I'm I'm upset. If he indeed does not send the money he promised, I'll have to drain my entire savings to just barely make ends meet until I leave this apartment. And that's WITH mom/grandma still helping me out (because of how severely my hours at work have been cut). I don't know what I'm going to do now. I wanted to upgrade my computer with some of the money in my savings, but I may have to use it for this now. *sigh* Bedtime. Current Mood: sleepy (11 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 17th, 2009
3:00 pm	Risky Business So I was chatting with a friend of mine two weeks ago. The subject turned to his ex, who is an officer in Pitt's "Gay Straight Alliance" or "Rainbow Alliance" or whatever the fuck it is. I've been to a few of their meetings, years back, and quite frankly, was unimpressed. Benign at most. My friend painted a different picture. One that was disdainful and cliqueish. He said how he felt shunned and ignored because he's A. bisexual and B. not a "pretty boi". The gist I got is that Pitt's group was firmly in the control of "Mean Girls" style queers using it as their personal clique and hookup group. Basically, "Pegasus" people and their fag hags. It made me think of something I heard of my old Allies group, back at Clarion. I had herad once that there were alot more GLBT people on campus than we knew about and most of them were afraid to come to the meetings because of how gay it was. That it was an "activism" group and that scared people off. Not to mention the shitty behavior of the officers that I remember turning entire groups of people away. Activism isn't for everyone. There are people out there that just need help coming to terms with themselves and waiving a rainbow flag doesn't help that. I had an idea, but it's risky. What if I was to start up a SOCIAL group for Pittsburgh college students (Duquesne/Carlow/Pitt/Etc) looking for an alternative to typical GLBT activism groups? No flag waiving, no shitty queeny attitudes, just a group for people to join and feel accepted and have a safe, sane place to meet others who might be going thru the same struggle. I remember how scared I was to come to terms with the fact that I was gay because I didn't want to be like how I thought gay people were supposed to be, drag queens and AIDS and etc. Being the defensive person I am, I'd expect trouble from the Rainbow Alliance at Pitt, and that would scare people off. I don't want that. If I do this, I'm going to spread word with fliers around campus. They'd have to advertise the group as an alternative WITHOUT antagonizing the Rainbow Alliance (as much as I'd like to take them down a peg or two). I could set up a Yahoo group for it, maybe a chatroom for people that don't want to attend meetings until comfortable...and I'd need a meeting place. Something public without being high traffic. Quiet coffee house maybe. I probably wouldn't try until fall semester as spring is winding down. Is this worth attempting? Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Misto & Pizzi - Somebody's Watching Me (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, March 6th, 2009
12:16 am	Laughing while throwing up in your mouth a little. http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/485797 Going to see it tomorrow at 11:30 am so I won't have to deal with as many people in the theater. Current Mood: sleepy (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, February 27th, 2009
5:51 pm	And a giant smoked turkey leg. God I miss Pennsic. Current Mood: nostalgic (13 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 11th, 2009
6:38 pm	Y'know what? Fuck it. It was a cheap thing to say. Still excited for the movie even though the fanboys will be annoying. (15 Comments |Comment on this)