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| Tuesday, July 7th, 2009 | | 1:34 pm |
LOLWUTcon
What an appropriate song to come up on my iPod just now... Anyway, Now that I've recovered from being run over by the Jack Daniels express, it's time to post. Activity wise, con this year was a bit of a snore. I wandered more than normal and didn't buy much of anything (other than three comissions and one freebie). No dirty comics or badges or whatnot. I was trying to find something nice for a friend, but nothing jumped out at me. Don't get me wrong, I still had a fucking blast, but it was an disorganized kind of blast. It's pretty much solidified now that Thursday night is the big dance for me. God, every year I exert myself so hard. I guess retro remix and dancey traditional club stuff is just my thing. I feel kinda like a philistine for not being able to get into the whole drum & bass progressive jungle beat yadda yadda yadda stuff, but I like what I like. I need vocals. Like I said, I exert myself HARD when the feeling gets to me. It's like I get this feeling inside when the music is right, it says to me "Dance as best as you can, as hard as you can, right now, or die." It feels good. The art show this year was quality, much better than last year. I think I'll enter next year. Also, talked to a good friend about getting a suit made and it looks like it'll be -FAR- more affordable than I thought. As in affordable enough to pretty get one whenever I feel like without saving much. Know what that means? Next year, Silver enters the Fursuit Dance-Off and blows every other motherfucker out of the water. You heard that right. Back up, I'm 'bout to drop this shit. Ya'heard? Final note on activities, NO ONE CAME TO MY SILENT RAVE. You're all fucking wankers. I kid. No big deal, it wasn't an expressly "furry" kinda thing and I didn't advertise enough in advance. I was all frowny face for about five minutes. Maybe try again next year. Emotionally, this may have been the best con I've ever had. I grew up some. Due to hanging out with a good buddy of mine, I was introduced to a spectacular young man, whom normally I wouldn't have given a chance due to my own anger and self-righteousness issues. I'm glad I did, because I grew up a little. It was like I looked into myself and saw the ugly part that I was giving too much power to. I'm cutting that part off as of now. No more. It'll be hard to stave off my own anger, but every time I start to snarl at this particular issue, I'm going to think of Nayo's great attitude and how much fun I had with that crew. And that's stronger than my own anger. Not only that, but thanks to the magic of alcohol, I also -finally- let go of a long standing grudge and hatred. It was time to move on. Sunday night, while at Perro and Snowy's Dead Dog party (an absolute MUST attend event for me every year) I found myself feeling the pulse of positive energy, that plus me being an honest, emotional drunk...well...I went straight up to Sym, grabbed his hand and said "no hard feelings". It was time for me to grow up. He hurt me but it was YEARS ago. It had become that I was only holding onto it out of habit. There wasn't anything behind the upset anymore. He looked at me strangely and walked away, but came back up to me a few minutes later and returned the hand gesture and said something (something that I unfortunately didn't hear, as alcohol was currently the loudest person in the room). So if you're reading this, bygones are officially bygones, and what did you say? Christ, I need to control my drinking at con. I'm not going off the deep end or anything, and it's not like I drink otherwise (a drink every two months or so?). I mean, hell, I drank so much one day that I was hanging out with this awesome fursuiter for like forty five minutes before I realized it was a pigeon. WUT. I felt great the whole time I was there. Attitude, appearance, everything just came into alignment. People -LIKE- me. They like being around me because I'm fun and witty and easy on the eyes. I make people feel good about themselves with just a few words and some humor. I'm good at what I do. What did I take home this year, other than a half full jug of spiced rum and over 9000 new STDs? FINALLY, after like three years, I got a Dark Natasha comission. OHSHI- Got a fun summery comission from an artist whose name escapes me right now. A cute/sexy/actiony one from Redregon (OMGKITTY). A small badge from D'Bull. and... Wait for it... A comission from my fave artist, Grisser. I think I just peed a little. Where's a babyfur when you need one? So, onto shout outs. HOLLA. Artimas, Chrono, Nayo and crew. THANK YOU for being awesome. You're my party people. Roommates: Buttons, Manik, Anec, Rain (sorta). Thanks for laughing at my hijinx and being awesome. Scruffy: Thank you for everything. I won't forget. TekFox: I look forward to seeing you every year. Also, DAMN you're finer than I thought. O_o Twitch Da Woof: Was great to chit chat with you on sunday, hope I didn't make an ass out of myself. Thank god there are other rocker furs out there. MapDark: Had great fun hon, thanks for hanging out with me. Mhendi and Simba: What am I going to do with you two? My time is running out on this library computer, So I'll end here with a thank you to EVERYONE else who was with me at con and made it special. Thank you all. SEE YOU NEXT YEAR, FAGGOTS. >:3 Current Mood:  Totally coolCurrent Music: Kelly Clarkson - My Life Would Suck Without You | | Friday, June 12th, 2009 | | 1:22 pm |
Bust it out.
Love dancing? Can't get enough at Anthrocon? Maybe you just want to bust it out to your own tunes? SilverMoonWolf has the answer. Anthrocon's -FIRST- Silent Rave! Just what is a Silent Rave? Simple. A Silent Rave is an organized "flash mob". Gather together at a public location and be sure to bring your portable music player/iPod/Zune with you and a pair of headphones, preferably ones that will stay on your head and not fly off. Under the guidance of the host, everyone jacks in and presses play, and then you do what comes natural. You dance. In the interest of having the best time possible, there will be no required dance track that everyone will be listening to, you provide your own beats! If we gather enough furs, maybe we can even make this a mobile dance party and visit all ends of the con! Join your host, SilverMoonWolf at 4 pm on Friday in front of main ballroom in the convention center. Bring your mp3 player, headphones and your -best- moves. We're going to need at -least- twenty people to drop this thing, so bring your friends! We're going to rock this con inside out. Current Mood:  excitedCurrent Music: Mondotek - Alive | | Friday, June 5th, 2009 | | 2:34 pm |
That's so gay. Really, it is.
http://www.thinkb4youspeak.com/TheCampaign/Gee. Thanks GLSEN. As if I hadn't had to put up with people disliking me because I'm gay, NOW I have to put up with it from you because I'm also a gamer. The "That's so gamer guy who has more games than friends" ad is out of bounds by a mile. First off, shut the fuck up already. The "That's so..." campaign is a goddamned joke. No, lets not go after the things that are REALLY hurting gay people: rampant drug addiction and alcoholism, trivialization of and lifestyle focus on sex, AWFUL anti-social attitudes and victim mentality. No, let's once again lay blame on something completely innocuous. A tiny, unimportant slang that we should be thick skinned enough to ignore. More finger pointing when our energies could be devoted to fixing our own fucking "community". No, while the worthless mainstream queers are drinking, drugging and fucking themselves into the grave, we'll say "Neener neener! You can't say this anymore! It's not PC!". Not only that, you took a dig and people that not only have nothing to do with you, but are a part of you. Oh, gaming is just SO unhip. That's totally not gay enough. Hurry up and make fun of them in our campaign...then head off to your PNP party. God, it's like you guys can't handle anything right. First you make the marriage arguement seem like we wanted to kick down the doors of every church in America and FORCE them to marry us, now this. A little defense during that whole debacle would have been nice. Y'know a little "No, that's not what we mean" instead of "MARRY US NOW AMERICA." More worthless trite from people who are supposed to give us a good face. Pull your heads out of your asses and look IN for the problems before you look OUT. Current Mood:  blah | | Thursday, April 16th, 2009 | | 2:18 am |
The hits just keep on coming
Now, if this would have happened yesterday, I would have cried. But since it happened today, after I felt alot better, it's funny. Seriously, I cannot believe my luck this time. Mom came up today to go to dinner with me and give me some stuff (loaf of Easter bread, a new crockpot, some food) and then take me grocery shopping. So we get in the car and park in the underground parking at the Market District Giant Eagle down the street from me and then walk out of the garage to the Istambul Grille across the street. The second we walk out, I look up and saw... The single most beautiful gutter punk I have ever seen in my entire life. He is absolutely perfect. Patchwork pants. Combat boots. Tricked out metal/painted leather jacket. Thick wavy mohawk. Goatee. Piercings (he had a fucking karabiner thru his ear). Probably a mess of tattoos too. And he had a husky build. He was putting groceries into the trunk of a car with a cute punky black girl (that could have been his girlfriend...or just a friend...or his fag hag). This guy could have been Scratch, in the flesh. He barely glanced in my direction and smiled. And there I stand...next to my mother...still wearing my suit and tie from my highschool observation today. I looked like the most straight laced, boring (albeit well dressed), Shadyside asshole this side of an overpriced martini. It's like the clouds parted, god's giant hand came down...and gave me the finger. There's hot you see on the street. The types that make you turn your head and say to yourself "Wow, they're really good looking." And then there's freeze dead in your tracks and choke on your own breath hot. That was him. This always happens when I'm not wearing MY jacket. Goddamnit. Current Mood:  amused | | Tuesday, April 14th, 2009 | | 8:19 pm |
I have had an awful day. I feel terrible. Alot of things that have happened recently just hit me at once and I just want to break down and cry. It bothers the shit out of me that Zak left the way he did. I tried so hard and spent so much energy trying to be a good friend and all he ever found me was annoying. I went out of my way to share with him even when I didn't have much and he ended up throwing it in my face, shit talking me behind my back. Why. Why did you lie about the money under the pretense of "not wanting to screw me over" when the facts now point to you knowing exactly what you were going to do. I'm hurt. I'm really, really hurt. It bothers me even more that he'll continue to shit talk me to his boyfriend, who doesn't even know me. The observation today at Oakland Central Catholic was a huge waste of time. It was just...bad. Picture a worst case scenario art room, and this was it. The teacher was a nice fellow, but entirely uninvested in teaching art as opposed to his role, also, as an athletics coach. I hated it. When I said I couldn't get anything more useful from the observations, my professor mocked me and said I needed an "attitude adjustment". I know I'm not perfect. I'm far from it. But I try so hard to do well and make the right decisions and be good to people and it hurts when after all that, people say something like that. I'm TRYING. I'm trying SO HARD to do the right things and it feels like I always get the short end of the stick. I know I'm dramatic and I overreact and I have several annoying qualities...but I try. I ruin myself inside constantly worrying "Am I doing the right thing?" I'm so hurt right now. And lonely. There's no point in trying to get any more work done today on my final projects. I'm going to go drink whatever booze is left in my fridge. Not much. Current Mood:  Hurt | | Sunday, April 5th, 2009 | | 1:52 am |
Issue
So it appears that my ex roommate, who promised he'd send the money he would have owed til June (when we'd be moving out of this apartment) "as not to screw me over", may not be sending that money. It's too early to say for certain about the money, but I'm positive he's just blocked me on AIM after I'd sent him multiple civil messages about it. He said he mailed a blank check on tuesday, and he's still in the city, and it does not take longer than two days for in-city mail. I don't mean to be persistent, but I need that money to EAT. I have next to nothing right now and I've trimmed off all the extras. I'm not using my credit card for anything and I'm canceling cable TV this week. I'm I'm upset. If he indeed does not send the money he promised, I'll have to drain my entire savings to just barely make ends meet until I leave this apartment. And that's WITH mom/grandma still helping me out (because of how severely my hours at work have been cut). I don't know what I'm going to do now. I wanted to upgrade my computer with some of the money in my savings, but I may have to use it for this now. *sigh* Bedtime. Current Mood:  sleepy | | Tuesday, March 17th, 2009 | | 3:00 pm |
Risky Business
So I was chatting with a friend of mine two weeks ago. The subject turned to his ex, who is an officer in Pitt's "Gay Straight Alliance" or "Rainbow Alliance" or whatever the fuck it is. I've been to a few of their meetings, years back, and quite frankly, was unimpressed. Benign at most. My friend painted a different picture. One that was disdainful and cliqueish. He said how he felt shunned and ignored because he's A. bisexual and B. not a "pretty boi". The gist I got is that Pitt's group was firmly in the control of "Mean Girls" style queers using it as their personal clique and hookup group. Basically, "Pegasus" people and their fag hags. It made me think of something I heard of my old Allies group, back at Clarion. I had herad once that there were alot more GLBT people on campus than we knew about and most of them were afraid to come to the meetings because of how gay it was. That it was an "activism" group and that scared people off. Not to mention the shitty behavior of the officers that I remember turning entire groups of people away. Activism isn't for everyone. There are people out there that just need help coming to terms with themselves and waiving a rainbow flag doesn't help that. I had an idea, but it's risky. What if I was to start up a SOCIAL group for Pittsburgh college students (Duquesne/Carlow/Pitt/Etc) looking for an alternative to typical GLBT activism groups? No flag waiving, no shitty queeny attitudes, just a group for people to join and feel accepted and have a safe, sane place to meet others who might be going thru the same struggle. I remember how scared I was to come to terms with the fact that I was gay because I didn't want to be like how I thought gay people were supposed to be, drag queens and AIDS and etc. Being the defensive person I am, I'd expect trouble from the Rainbow Alliance at Pitt, and that would scare people off. I don't want that. If I do this, I'm going to spread word with fliers around campus. They'd have to advertise the group as an alternative WITHOUT antagonizing the Rainbow Alliance (as much as I'd like to take them down a peg or two). I could set up a Yahoo group for it, maybe a chatroom for people that don't want to attend meetings until comfortable...and I'd need a meeting place. Something public without being high traffic. Quiet coffee house maybe. I probably wouldn't try until fall semester as spring is winding down. Is this worth attempting? Current Mood:  contemplativeCurrent Music: Misto & Pizzi - Somebody's Watching Me | | Friday, March 6th, 2009 | | 12:16 am |
| | Friday, February 27th, 2009 | | 5:51 pm |
| | Wednesday, February 11th, 2009 | | 6:38 pm |
Y'know what? Fuck it. It was a cheap thing to say. Still excited for the movie even though the fanboys will be annoying. | | Tuesday, January 20th, 2009 | | 11:48 am |
So...
I, for one, welcome our new dark overlord. Current Mood: amused | | Saturday, January 3rd, 2009 | | 7:44 pm |
"Matilda" is on tv right now. I used to love this movie. It makes me think about the teacher I'm going to be and how I want to improve lives. Even one child reached is a triumph. I can do this. Current Mood:  chipper | | Sunday, December 21st, 2008 | | 7:04 am |
Eureka!
After thinking about it off and on during work last night (from which I'm posting from right now just after clocking out) I think I've figured out about a third of the dream RP. Oh, and for future reference, my character (Antonio) is a Shadow Lord Philodox. In addition to thinking out the clues further, I'm going to spend some XP on a new gift (or rite) that could help me with future decisions. Either "Find the Portent" (level 1 Shadow Lord: spend one Gnosis, recieve a simple omen or interpretable sign that points to a possible future event) or "Hidden Depths" (level 2 Shadow Lord: Allows the garou to decipher small pieces of cryptic information or text, thus helping to unravel complex enigmas). Anyway, here's what I think I've deciphered. The vultures and the vest symbolize Antonio's unwillingness to let go. The tighter he clutched or tried to protect Scratch's vest, the harder the vultures tried to take it from him, even using their combined weight to knock him back off his feet and tear it away. If Antonio gives it to them willingly, accepting that holding onto Scratch in that manner is futile, he'll "let go" and be better for it, possibly causing the vultures to disappear. The songbirds taunting him fall under the same principle, but with a different affliction: blame. Antonio feels responsible for Scratch's death. If he'd been more perceptive, paid more attention or even spied on his lover, he would have caught the addiction that led to Scratch's death. All of course, is bull. Someone's own behavior is their choice and their choice alone. Antonio was not responsible for the actions of his lover and it's pointless to ponder the what ifs. What's done is done and if he stands up to the songbirds and proclaims such, they shouldn't bother him anymore. The crows, are another matter. If the previous two things succeed, they may not even show. Being as that the Shadow Lord's totem, Grandfather Thunder (patron of storms and rain) uses stormcrows as his personal messengers and emessaries, that could tie in with this, as well as the bird theme. I need to think more on this and figure it out. I'm a fucking philodox, talking is my -THING-. By the time I'm done, this spirit lune, if that's what it really is, will be eating out of the palm of my hand and I -WILL- get my lover back. Current Mood:  Smug | | Saturday, December 20th, 2008 | | 8:55 pm |
Werewolf game help
Okay. I need your help. So my Werewolf game has resumed on thursday nights now that the semester is over. We're beginning a new chronicle. At the start, the ST told me to flip my sheet over and add "Nightmares" to my flaws list. I was like, wut? As you know, at the end of the last story, my character's lover died. Over and over the ST told me that "He's dead. He's not coming back." and so on. Well, now it appears that that may not be the case. He's now assaulting me with escalating nightmares every time my character goes to sleep. I've had three so far, the first being pretty benign but depressing, the second causing me to tear into my own chest with my nails, and the third being where I somewhat take control of it and the meat of the trouble gets laid out for me. They, of course, have to deal with my dead lover and a chance to bring him back if I figure it all out. I think. I don't wanna fuck this up again. It'd be great to have the NPC back in game. He's fun. So, I need help figuring this out, or input at the very least. Here's what the dream laid out. It always starts with fake "waking up" where I went to sleep and the room falling away into dark sky. It feels empty, depressing and alone. I'm approached by a shadow that LOOKS like the outline of my dead lover, but becomes a beautiful naked woman with white hair and skin. Her eyes are closed and she has one hand behind her back. The first time she appeared, she had a tiny statue of Scratch (the dead NPC) in her hand that was cold to the touch. She raised her hidden hand up and I found myself dropped into another place. A dark forest with imposing trees and a blood red light in the sky, not a blood moon, a full on stop light red glow. I'm wearing Scratch's vest (a symbol of him). Vultures swarm from all around and attempt to tear the vest off of me, but don't attack me directly. I can't fight them off and I can't shift forms. They either manage to get the vest away from me and tear it to shreds, or I hold onto a piece of it, either way, it melts away into nothing. They disappear and are replaced with small songbirds in the trees that taunt and berate me for any number of things from a hundred angles. For letting him die, to being corrupt and so on. I can swat them away but they're everywhere. Eventually they disappear and crows take their place. NOW I'm attacked. They hit me from every angle and basically tear me to pieces, but I somehow stay alive (the first time this happened is when I clawed myself up in the physical world). Once I finally mustered the willpower to fight against it, things progressed. Even though I was basically a bloody skeleton at this point, I was still alive and able to move in the dream. The light in the sky became a brilliant firey phoenix whose glare reduces me to ash. I wake up AGAIN, back at the begining, in the dark sky. I'm whole again and I've got his vest i my hands. I, of course, put it on...but it begins to dig into my skin. I manage to rip it off and toss it away. Shadowy tendrils wind out from it, but it can't do me any harm now. The white girl appears again with an ultimatum. I can save him and bring him back, if I exchange "lives for life". She runs off a list of things my packmates and myself are guilty of, and if I exact judgement on them, Scratch will be returned to me. Of course I'm not going to kill them. I'm a good guy. So I try to unravel what this bitch is telling me. I use everything I can. Even in homid form, senses are a bit sharper than normal, so I use the old fallback of scent. She smells like my dead lover. Dammit. I use my gift "Truth of Gaia" that allows me to discern truth from lies, but not the facts. I command her to tell me her real name, and she says she is a lune (who's name I can't remember right now), a moon spirit. The gift tells me she's telling the truth. She opens her eyes, and surprise surprise, they're my dead lovers eyes. We go back and forth for like ten minutes of me trying to interrogate her and fenagle my way thru what I think is a trick, but I can't do it. It's iron clad. She says not to tell my packmates of this, or the chance disappears. She ends with "I can't protect him much longer" and forces an image into my mind, one of Scratch being brutally tortured in Malfeas, the hell of the Wyrm. Then I wake up for real. While this was going on, one of my packmates peeked into the umbra to see if my spirit self was there...and it wasn't. I was somewhere else. Here's the thing. It was a dream (a heavy one that could have put me IN different places in the umbra) but it was still a dream and therefore part of my mind. If it's in my own head, and people can convince themselves of nearly anything, who's to say my "Truth of Gaia" gift was working properly? Is there such thing as a wyrm tainted lune? Could it be a wyrm spirit in disguise trying to get me to murder my pack mates? The ST said that this subplot in this chronicle is either going to clear everything up for my character and make him come out even better, or he'll kill himself. So yeah. Anyone out there that's got any ideas, throw 'em my way. I'm looking at you Keepie. ;) Current Mood: Puzzled | | Tuesday, November 25th, 2008 | | 7:25 am |
| | Thursday, November 6th, 2008 | | 10:45 pm |
Pitiful
This was a good week. Obama got elected, I got an A on a test, and I got my last clearance back so I can start my classroom observations. But right now, I feel weird. Depressed. Big warning. I'm going to talk about some stuff that is going to make me look like a HUGE fucking loser. I'm serious. I wouldn't say it otherwise, this is going to sound PA-THET-IC. I'm griefing a bit over my Werewolf the Apocalypse game. Don't get me wrong, I'm having fun at it. It's a good time. I find myself a bit regretful over some of the decisions I've made in game. One of which led to the death of the NPC character I designed as -my- character's lover. Yes, he was an idealized mate for me. I know, I'm a loser. I find myself wishing this was the DC universe and I could just retcon it and say "A wizard did it" or something. That's not the problem. It's a good thing I think too much, otherwise I wouldn't have the insight that I do. It seems I have a habit of coming up with these idealized companion characters for some things I create. What does this say other than that I'm pathetic? That I need a mate. These idealized creations are me acting out what I want out of a relationship without actually having one. I am, however, mature enough to know that there is no perfect relationship and it has to be worked at to become something good. And I want that. But I'm lost. I want specific things. I want to find someone I'm -really- physically attracted to and have the other things I want (mind and spirit) fall into place. But it's like...I feel the combination of things I want don't exist. Like I'm too specific or just unrealistic. I think "Once I move someplace larger, there'll be a better chance". What is wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? Am I being unrealistic? I'd really like this depressing longing to go away. I feel pathetic imagining curling up with some fantasy creation. *sigh* EDIT: And, of course, when I actually need someone to talk to, no one is around. Super awesome. Current Mood: contemplativeCurrent Music: Eric Clapton - Layla (instrumental) | | Tuesday, November 4th, 2008 | | 11:10 pm |
| | 1:44 pm |
Brevity in the face of disaster
So Fox News is reporting black panthers intimidating people at a polling location in Philadelphia. First of all, way to go fanning the flames, Fox. Second of all... Yeah. Finally, my favorite song as of late. Voted this morning. Nothing left to do but pray. I'm off for a class trip to the Children's Museum. Current Mood:  hopeful | | Thursday, October 30th, 2008 | | 11:38 pm |
| | Wednesday, October 29th, 2008 | | 8:23 pm |
And it was the best day ever!
Holy fucking shit. So it didn't exactly happen today, so much as the past two nights, but Fallout 3 is an absolutely brilliant game. And that had me in a good mood. Yesterday, I go to my Elementary Art class and get a paper back that needs rewritten AGAIN (this pisses me off as it'll be the second time), but upon talking to the teacher, she GLOWED about how great my ideas are and how perfect I am for an art teacher. She practically burst into a cloud of confetti when I got the idea she was trying to get across to me. I left the class feeling like I'll be a good teacher someday. Today, I got a make-up essay (taken to replace a bad grade on a test) and got an A on it. There were teacher comments on it such as "AMEN!" "WOW!" and "Now you're passionate about it!". If anyone wants to read it (it's on the sad state of modern education and the interference of commerical entities/government) I'll post it here. Not only that, I took my second test in that particular class today, and this time, I'm positive I aced it. I practically bounced out of class. I went to Giant Eagle, picked up dinner and just finished. Two tankards of my own honeyed iced tea, a whole rotisserie chicken and a scrumdiddilyumptious Wonka Bar (if you've never had one, I can't sing their praises enough. Nestle milk chocolate [QUALITY] with graham cracker pieces). There is nothing left of this chicken. I'm serious. It's a pile of bones and gristle. I'm full, content, and fucking happy with myself. And now I find out that Barack Obama is going to be on the Daily Show tonight. I just squee'd. I'm not even kidding. Now all I need is for something like this (NOT WORK SAFE) to spontaneously manifest in my bed. This has been a damn good day. Current Mood:  bouncy |
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